The excitement didn't last...

So our hope was to be able to surprise our families and close friends on Christmas day with GOOD news. We went Christmas Eve morning for a blood pregnancy test. While we waited we did some last minute Christmas shopping to occupy our minds. My phone rang and our stomachs dropped. Hoping for the best, I could tell from the tone of Dr. C's voice that we weren't going to like what he was about to say. In his words "well you are pregnant but not really... I have to be honest Jennifer its not looking good." He went on to explain that yes the embryo implanted into my uterine lining however he suspected based on the low levels of HCG that it was a biochemical pregnancy and that it detached aka an early miscarriage. This is actually quite common but many women don't know it happened and by the time their period is late any trace of HCG is gone. Unfortunately because we are doing IVF and monitoring everything so closely we were made aware of this heartbreak. We went back the day after Christmas for more blood and my levels declined and he was able to confirm it. It was a tough blow... but we are believing that everything happens for a reason and our time WILL come.

The embryo transfer

Today, December 15, 2015, We had the most incredible experience as we went in for a single embryo transfer (sorry twin wishers)!

Going into today, we had NO idea what was going to happen. I have been a google maniac and I must not have been using the proper search terms! HAHA Much to our surprise, we both had to gear up and head into the surgical room! With a full bladder, it was SO uncomfortable but then Susie put our little embryo up on the screen and my mind just went blank for a moment. I felt like I was in a dream! The doctor and nurses said look it’s your baby! How cool was this? Both Jay and I couldn’t look away, it was just amazing! How many people get to see their baby in its earliest form? No matter how long the road has been, this was such a rewarding and special moment for us! The nurse said “you have a text book perfect little guy ready to implant!” Of course Jay honed in on the BOY part lol!!! The doctor and Sue continued to emphasize that this is a picture perfect embryo, strong, healthy and favorable! Well here he/she is!!!!

The process was a lot! My legs spread eagle for all to see! A lot of cleaning of the area and preparing it for insertion! My uterine lining is great!!! Over 10mm! It is ready for implantation! We got to watch on the ultrasound as Dr. Murray inserted the embryo through a catheter into my uterus and released it there. See the little white mike and ike shaped thing on the ultrasound below? That is where it is!!!! Our babies first official ultrasound!

Laid in recovery for a half hour after and resumed my day as normal. Day 10 after transfer would be Christmas… they gave us the option to do blood pregnancy the day before but we opted not to and will find out on the 26th (day after Christmas) instead!

12/15/15 Preparing for our first embryo transfer...

Side note: I had written the next couple posts on the days they actually occurred.

We have known for about a week now that we were going in for our first embryo transfer! We fibbed a little and told those closest to us following our journey that nothing was happening until January! Our hope is to have a new year’s surprise to share with them! Here is a glimpse of our excitement!

HolidAZE

Well our total frozen embryo count is 6! We are hoping for embryo transfer towards the end of January! Thank goodness its the holiday season as I feel like time will zoom on by! Thanks for hanging in there!

FREEZE!

As winter is upon us, normally I hate the word FREEZE but this morning it was welcomed and we are beyond thrilled! From NRM: "Good morning, the lab is freezing 5 beautiful embryos for you today. One embryo degenerated overnight, so they have 3 more in culture for potential freeze tomorrow."

Funny fact...

Did you know that at the instant of fertilization, a baby's genes and sex are set?

Retrieval, Recovery and RESULTS!

What a whirlwind these past two weeks have been! Saturday I was a nervous wreck! Not to mention I had lower abdominal pain (to be expected) from my swollen ovaries and I just was not pleasant to be around. Thankfully my sister and husband are patient with me! Sunday morning was even worse! I felt like an elephant was sitting on my uterus! We head to NRM and as usual we are greeted with the finest people in reproductive medicine (in our opinion)! I go back to pre-op, change into my sexy gown; the socks they give you are awesome by the way!!! Jay has extreme ADD and was driving me nuts fidgeting lol! Anyhow, Susie Obrien works there as an embryologist… I have known her all my life as I was best friends with her niece. To say it was such a relief knowing the fate of our future child was in her loving hands is an understatement. I was holding it together emotionally until she came out to wish us good luck and said she had been emotional all morning. YUP then I lost it. I was just a hot mess! So we walk to the operating room and that’s about all I remember… I was OUT! Came out after what felt like 5 minutes and Jay said I was a hot mess again lol! Then the words “you had 17 eggs” were music to our ears. We were ecstatic!!!! Especially since I was having horror thoughts the night before! OMG this was the best news we have had in a while!!! They send us home after I eat a little something, drink and pee! First stop… DUNKS of course!!! Hubby brought me home and tucked me in and there I layed the rest of the day! Now we were waiting for the call to see how many were fertilized (his sperm injected and received by an egg). Ready for it??!!!................. Of the 17 eggs, 12 were mature and injected and of those 9 were FERTILIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No words to describe how happy this news made us!! If I could have jumped I would have but instead I just shared my news and cried and cried and cried tears of happiness!!! We are day 2 after retrieval and the fertilized eggs will continue to grow for 5 days total before they are froze. Fingers crossed most continue to split until day 5! Thank you all for the texts, calls, messages, etc. You don’t know how much your support means to us!!

IVF Date & Time Confirmed!!! Here we go.....

We got word this morning that the retrieval procedure will be Sunday morning at 8:30 - we have to be there at 7:30am. The procedure is up to an hour but not usually that long. Not sure about recovery time yet. Once they retrieve, Jay will do his "thing" and then they will start fertilization. For the embryos that make it 5 days they will freeze them and store them until my ovaries are ready for insemination. Stay tuned... Thanks for all the well wishes, positive thoughts and prayers. We love you all!

It's been a week of UP's on this rollercoaster of conception!

Good Morning! Today was yet another ultrasound and more bloodwork. My right ovary has a lot of BIG follicles and Dr. Casson said we will be triggering Friday and my egg retrieval procedure will be............. SUNDAY!!!!!!!!! Although I am nervous about this the excitement Jay and I have trumps those feelings! Its been a week of good progress and we couldn't be more happy with the care we continually receive at NRM. OH the other night, no one was around to give me my shots in time so I inadvertently got over my fear of injecting myself!!! The proof is in the picture. (Some may think its weird to post a picture of this but I need these to hold over our child's head later in life when they wanna put me in a nursing home) hehehehe

Be advised... Frequent posting ahead...

So we are getting to the end of IVF cycle #1 and so I will have a lot to update since I am going to NRM just about daily now. This morning I had yet another ultrasound and more bloodwork followed by a check in with Dr. Wonderful! The ultrasound still showed LOTS of follicles around 14mm (they need to get to 18) and blood results are pending; I usually get a call in the afternoon. So we meet with Dr. C and he says although this is taking some time, this is looking like a great cycle! MUSIC TO OUR EARS! BUT… (There is always a “but”)... It looking like you are on your way to getting Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS). EEEKKKK! He continues to say that in order to prevent OHSS we aren't going to trigger you with HCG we will use Lupron (ok that’s fine) and instead of putting the embryo right back into your body, we won't be able to do so0 until a month later once the ovaries have calmed down, meaning the embryo’s will be frozen. We were warned of OHSS in our initial consultation but we were like “the percentage of it happening is low, we don't really need to worry about it.” WELL once again our luck curses us. Good thing is that NRM’s freeze rates are high quality and we can prevent OHSS! We have waited this long whats another month! Our health is a priority and I am glad NRM see’s it that way also. SO he mentioned possible extraction THIS WEEKEND!!! Yes I said it, this weekend!!!!! He will confirm as the week goes on. We are thrilled with the progress and hopeful now more than ever!! This is VERY exciting, nerve racking, emotional, ahhh just a bundle of unexplainable emotions!!! Hang on tight, and thanks for being on this ride with us family and friends!!

Anxiously awaiting my appointment this morning...

Well, Nicole from NRM called with the blood results and my estradiol and LH levels rapidly increased which means I am at risk of premature ovulation. She called me and said "Jennifer, we need you to go home and add in the additional injection (cetrotide)and decrease your Menopur and Gonal to 2 vials each... like NOW!" So I cancelled my work training and skedaddled home! This new shot stings a bit after injections and the injection site is sore for a short period of time but nothing that I haven't become used to. I did try to give it myself but again I became nauseous at the thought and said F&$% it... MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Jay wasn't home) I go at 8:15 this morning and expect the news to go one way or the other... cancel or ready or not!! I am hoping for the ready or not of course!!! I don't know if it is all these hormones I am pumping in myself but I am exhausted and can barely stay awake past 8pm! UGH this better all be worth it in the end and then I can get used to the exhaustion right?! :)

It's a GREAT Monday!

In the interest of being cautiously optimistic, this mornings appointment brought great news! Maybe my mom was my lucky charm! :) 2 days ago I had 2 follicles worth measuring... today I had over 10!!! And they are all growing at about the same rate! Finally my ovaries are waking up! Guess they are late bloomers much like myself haha! Maybe we found the magic potion! See my single dosage pic below! HAPPY MONDAY! I go back Wednesday and fingers crossed for even more growth!

Here is a little glimpse inside NRM. Its a comfortable, clean and welcoming place with awesome views. This morning I had ultrasound #1 of 3 for this week. Nothing was really happening with the ovaries which Mel (the tech) said wasn't uncommon with polycystic ovaries. It was a little disappointing but nothing that we haven't experienced before. Hopefully as the week goes on the damn things will start kicking into gear and making lots of follicles!!!

Our "sCARE" package arrived!

We received our box of injections, vaginal inserts, and other 'fun' misc. items on Saturday! Can you say overwhelmed??? Bringing it all to Dr. C Friday so they can go over it all with us. We don't want to mess this up!!! Here is a picture!

IV-F here we come!

So Jay and I had a great consultation with Dr. Casson today! He explained the IVF process, the benefits and of course the risks. It is so interesting to learn about this stuff and we are realizing that there are so many different routes that can be taken to achieve pregnancy/family varying from person to person and situation to situation! I expressed to Dr. C how fortunate we feel to have the support and be in the care of such exceptional nurse, doctors, people!!! So here is what is happening with us... My last birth control pill will be taken on 10/26, then I will go into the office for a baseline ultrasound on 10/29. That day I will begin taking gonadotropins (injections). Later into the cycle I will add 2 other injections, Gonal F (for follicle stimulation) and Menopur (egg stimulation). Looking like beginning of November for the actual egg retrieval procedure where they will put me to sleep and retrieve. Because I am high risk for ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ovarian-hyperstimulation-syndrome-ohss/basics/symptoms/con-20033777) which could land me in the hospital for a week Dr. C will be monitoring my ovaries closely to determine if he will do a fresh embryo transfer or frozen. Frozen means waiting for a period of time to make the transfer until my body has recovered. This is a big step for us and it doesn't come without its worries/frustrations. Again, its all part of the process but will hopefully be worth it. I had a discussion with my friend about the emotional affects of "not being able to conceive naturally" and although I got emotional during the conversation, I believe Jay and I came to terms with the fact that a typical "natural" conception isn't in our cards. Not to say it couldn't be someday but in life you play the hand you are dealt. We have managed to push onward and upward many times and this situation won't be any different. Thanks everyone for your prayers and continued hope. Its nice to not be on this rollercoaster alone!!!

The next phase has arrived...

Some of you know that we decided to take a couple months off of fertility treatments because Jay was out of town for work and also to give us an emotional 'breather.' Well, the hubby is now home and we are ready to get things going again in hopes to achieve a little miracle of our own. Friday I went in for bloodwork and originally the plan was to do at least one more round of letrozole and bravelle shots. I came across Dr. Casson in the waiting room on his way to see another patient and he said "ya know I have been thinking... you have great insurance coverage and the triggers were not very successful so why keep banging our heads against the wall.. I think we should just go right to IVF!" Without hesitation I said you are the doctor and I trust your opinion so I am willing to do whatever is needed to get the best results. So, needless to say, the plan quickly changed and I was started on a pack of birth control pills. When I picked up my prescription I was like WTH!!! So of course I googled the crap out of IVF and the process, etc. I had done a little before but my anxiety would kick in so my 'research' would always be cut short. Now that this is the reality we are faced with, that is all I have done is research. There are MANY pros... the success rate is more promising then other things we have tried so we are optimistic and hopeful. We go in 2 weeks for our consultation where we will talk to Dr. Casson sign off on all the paperwork needed and get more clarity around the process. Its also nice to have someone who recently went through IVF reach out and offer hope through their experience. Fingers crossed...

Its been a little bit...

Sorry I haven't posted lately. The insemination went smoothly, minimal pain unlike last time but all in all fine. Unfortunately it seems as though it was another failed round as I woke up this morning to cramping and my lady friend. Jay left for CT last night so we are taking a single cycle hiatus!

Wearing a smile!

I went for my ultrasound this morning and my 2 little friends were still in tact! They had even grown!!!!! This is big progress for us and we are cautiously excited!! Trigger shot in the coming days and then we will have another insemination within the next week by the sounds!!! Pray for us!

Ultrasound #45389786584656758

Went in and got yet another probe inserted into my lady 'friend.' Using the word friend lightly because she hasn't been very helpful!! Anywho... Today we had 2..... YES 2 follicles that continued to grow since I went in last Friday and had what the doctor called a "chocolate chip cookie" looking ovary! They are only at 11mm and need to get to 18! I go again Thursday to see if they have grown any! FINGERS CROSSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything happens for a reason?

Good Morning Everyone! Today, I am optimistic. I try to maintain this attitude daily and while I am successful most of the time, I am human and have my moments. Jay got a call from Comcast and it turns out he is going to be working out of the South Burlington office and not going to CT for training for a few more weeks. Inside I feel like this could be a blessing from above… as everything really does happen for a reason. I am on day 4 letrozole and shots for this round. We go on Friday to see if there are follicles brewing. This is the first round of 7.5 not being a week behind so I pray that there is more than one which will better our odds. However, I don’t want to be greedy! It only takes one…  Guess his sperm will be saved for another day and we will get a fresh batch this round! As always, thanks for being on this journey with us!

Having a sad day...

I am having a sad day. I don’t like these kinds of days because my mind goes all over the place and I start questioning everything. Although my husband reminded me of how far we have come, that very thing terrifies me because it means there is only so much more that we can do. Today, hope is far away from my mind. I find it hard to be positive which I know is the very thing I need to keep intact. I guess we all have our days right? I wish I were at home curled under a blanket… Hoping I can turn it around… Tmrw we go back to the doctor’s and Jay will freeze his specimen and I will do more blood work in preparation for another IUI. This round will be a bit tougher with Jay being away… May need to call on some of you to step in if needed.

First IUI unsuccessful

Hello Everyone, the first IUI was unfortunately not successful. Even though the doctor's said we could freeze Jay's sperm and move forward when he is gone out of state, we are undecided if that's what we want to do or not. We are considering a mental (and physical) break for the 7 weeks he is away. Will keep you all posted as we move forward. Thanks for the continued thoughts!

IUI round 1 complete

So we went in at 8:30 sunday morning and had our first IUI. For those wondering what it is you can check this link out, its got a lot of good information: http://www.advancedfertility.com/insem.htm We were there a couple hours but the procedure itself was only like 10 minutes. Mild cramping but overall it wasn't bad at all. The hardest part for me was trying to keep my emotions in check. For some reason I was feeling really up and down. My husband was nervous as all get out for his part of the process and so I didn't want to add any extra pressure. I caught myself looking to the ceiling so I didn't eject any tears. We did get some good news leaving... we thought we would have to take a break if this doesn't work due to Jay being gone but the nurse said they can freeze his sperm so we don't have to!!! Thanks to those that called/texted to check in on us, it meant a lot!

IUI Time

Trigger shot today at 4:30 and we are scheduled for an IUI on sunday at 8:30am. For those wondering what an IUI is... its not invitro... they are taking Jays sperm, washing it and then inserting it into my uterus through a catheter. Everything will take about 3 hours. Send us good vibes!

Frequent Flyer Miles

By Friday I should be getting frequent flyer miles as it will be my third trip this week alone to Dr. C! I went today for another ultrasound after I had a follicle at Monday's appointment that was 14mm. Today it was 15mm. Not much growth but at least it is just that... GROWTH! Progress in my eyes! Need to find whatever I can and hold onto it for hope and positive thoughts! They gave me a shot in the office and I will have to do another tmrw then return on Friday to see if it has grown more! Their hope is to see it at 18mm and then I will trigger myself. Fingers crossed! As I said in my last post this is it for a couple months as Jay is going to be 4.5 hours away for 6 weeks at his new job training... I refuse to drive long distance for a piece of ass again! :)

Checking in...

I apologize for not posting after my Tuesday ultrasound. Nothing came up on the screen and it was due to my mess up! I am a bit scatter brained these days and I forgot a dose of my letrozole so I believe that is the reason. Dr. Casson put me into another round of shots and pills hoping that much like last months cycle we will have a follicle growing. We go this morning at 9:30 to see if that is in fact the case. Jay starts with Comcast in July so after today's appointment, we are taking a break for about 2 months because he will only be home Friday and Saturdays for 7 weeks and timing adds too much pressure to an already tough situation. I don't want to waste medications, money etc. I also think a little break will be good for the mind because at this point it has become quite exhausting. Thanks for hanging in there with me everyone!! Love you!

Shots! Shots! Shots Shots! (Lil Jon beat)

Here we go with another round of shots! Ultrasound Tuesday to see if there are any follicles and then he will determine if we are going to do timed intercourse again or possible IUI. Thought I would share my little shot package!

Try again another day...

Here we are at day 14 post HCG trigger shot. I have spent the last few days goggling the shit out of pregnancy symptoms vs. period symptoms, which by the way got me no where since they are practically the same. Still no period. I was starting to go crazy so I was happy to see today come. I went to the store, bought a test and pissed on it. Can you tell by my under excitement that it was negative? Well it was... the proof is in the picture. Not a good way to start a Friday! I have called my doctor's office to see what happens next so I guess we shall see..... Bummer, I really thought we nailed it!

I am going to be judgemental for a hot second!

Something that infuriates me is when I see or hear about junkies and abusive parents that continually get pregnant after they couldn't even handle or get their shit together for one child. They are gifted with wonderful blessings and yet time after time they risk and take for granted these beautiful angels to feed their self esteems or so they can party down like an irresponsible, immature asshole. Their kids are in and out of foster care, have scheduled visits in a depressing and far from stimulating office; The children don't even have a voice or choice. Parents are suppose to protect and guide their babies until they can do so for themselves. They shouldn't have to wonder if they will be taken or shipped away and sent to an unknown, unfamiliar, scary place! I have never struggled with addiction but I have had my struggles with mental health. I imagine its a very challenging battle someone has to fight, but I am not in the mood to sympathize with them tonight. I will save that for when I am feeling compassionate. I wish someday to have the opportunity to provide a life for a child, the way my parents provided for me. When that day comes I will fulfill my maternal duties. That is a promise to myself and my future child. Thanks for listening to me ramble. Sincerly, pissed off girl having a damn moment!

Trigger shot - engaged!

So we did the trigger shot just before 5pm on friday. That one stung a bit. And since I have had redness and bruising with some pain associated. Doctor said that is to be expected. Lets hope it did what it was suppose to! I will know whats next in about 2 weeks!

Finally... GOOD NEWS

This morning we had an ulrasound to see if my ovaries were reacting to the hormone injections and we were pleasantly surprised to see that they were!!! I have 1 large follicle that is almost at maturity! Follicles get to 16 when considered mature and mine was at 14. This is the first time we have ever seen a follicle (except for one time when it was 3), so we are beside ourselves excited! They gave me 2 more rounds of the bravelle hormone injection that I will take tonight and tmrw night then I will give myself an HCG trigger shot to hopefully release a healthy egg. After that, Dr Casson instructed us to breed like rabits lol! He was so funny, jumping around all excited for us! Its a GREAT DAY!!!!! We will see in a couple weeks if I get my period or not... praying that I won't but understand that like the rest this is all part of the process!! Thanks everyone for your continued support!

Injection cont.

Tonight was our 3rd and final shot (for this round). I wasnt able to do it myself still but I was calm and able to watch. Getting closer! Thanks again to my wonderful hubby!

2nd Injection

Saturday I had to do my second injection. My nerves were not nearly as ramped as they were with the first. My faithful little GP (Amanda Dillon) was a good friend and did the injection for me... I haven't gotten to the point where I can do it myself, maybe the tonights?! We will see. Anyways, I failed to mention on my last post that with the first injection I used the needle meant for thigh... long enough to go through muscle! WHAT AN IDIOT, I didn't see the shorter needles until I had finished with the injection. Thank goodness hubby didn't stick it in all the way. Injection 2 was much better with the shorter skinnier needle. Thank you Amanda for being a good sport!

Injections Suck!

So my first injection totally SUCKED! I came home to a sleeping husband and in trying to be a good wife I didn't want to wake him. I nervously opened the packages to prepare my injection. HOLY SHIT that needle is a lot longer than the one the doctor used as an example. I am in a full blown sweat now and ready to have explosive diahrea at any moment. I told myself to get it together! Thoughts racing through my mind... What if I get a air bubble and die, what if I stab through a major organ, what if I pass the F out?! My mind was racing a hundred miles per hour. I prepared everything and put the needle tip back on the syringe. HOLY SHIT I can't do this. JAY!!!!!!! Wake up I need you to do this... He stumbles over and as any normal person would do he begins to look everything over to make sure he does it correctly. I snap. Full blown Raymond Fuller status and I say to him something along the lines of I already did all that shit just stick it in... Frustrated he told me to calm down and I snapped back with well I am ready to freak out just get it over with! And so he did....... I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and laid my head back. Are you doing ok he said? Yea I replied, hurry! He finishes and I just started crying! I felt a sense of relief to have the first one under my belt yet I had an overwhelming sense of defeat. The further into this we go the more anxious I get. The main question that goes through my mind is what if I can't have a kid!? I try to think about something else when I begin thinking about that but its hard. However, I know the importance of positive thinking and so I try very hard to not let myself be down for too long. I know this is just another bump in the road to something beautiful. I am blessed with my husband, he is my angel!

The time has come to stick myself...

I just returned from my ultrasound appointment which Mom (thankfully) came along to. No follicles. Another blood draw done and a meeting with Doctor Jen. The very thing I wanted to avoid was having to do injectable’s BUT it was determined that a letrozole/injectable combination is next for us. The nurse gave us a nice little tutorial on how to mix and inject the hormones which calmed my nerves about having to do them in the first place. Waiting on the fertility pharmacy to call and tell me if my insurance covers the meds. Gotta do what we gotta do right?! Hopefully it will all be worth it someday……………………………………………………….

Spread the word! Make others aware!

April 19 - April 25 is National Infertility Awareness Week! Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples. That is a very large number... too large! Many people don't want to talk about this tough subject whether it is because they are embarrassed, private, etc. but it is an IMPORTANT subject and those that are willing to talk about it can be a voice for others! I have always been a very open person, some may frown upon that but my belief is that its the people in your life who make the good times that much better and the hard times less daunting so why not share your life with them even if they don't always do so with you?! I am not bothered by those who ask questions... sure there are some days when it is easier to engage but I rely on those discussions to keep my mind focused on the "prize." If you don't struggle with infertility you can still raise awareness and I encourage you to do so... Things you can do: * Change your social media profile picture for infertility * Share information on social media * Educate yourself on the subject * Honor someone you know struggling with infertility * SHARE INFORMATION (most important) Thank you for your continued support. I have a doctor's appointment this morning for yet another ultrasound, hoping for positive news! Will update you all later.

Fingers crossed......

I apologize for not blogging sooner after my doctor’s visit. Nurse called me with blood results and my levels were where they wanted to see them. They started me on letrozole 7.5 for 5 days. I will go back and have an ultrasound in a couple weeks to see if there are any matured follicles. Because I had a menstrual cycle on my own, they held off on injectable hormones for now (phew). Fingers crossed!

Why metformin and PCOS?

Some have been asking why metformin so here is a little tidbit that may help clarify: Young women with PCOS often have elevated insulin levels and are more likely to develop diabetes. What is insulin? Insulin is a hormone made by an organ in the body called the pancreas. The food you eat is broken down into simple sugar (glucose) during digestion. Glucose is absorbed into the blood after you eat. Insulin helps glucose enter the cells of the body to be used as energy. If there’s not enough insulin in the body, or if the body can’t use the insulin, sugar levels in the blood become higher. What is insulin resistance? If your body is resistant to insulin, it means you need high levels of insulin to keep your blood sugar normal. Certain medical conditions such as being overweight or having PCOS can cause insulin resistance. Insulin resistance tends to run in families. What can insulin resistance do to me? In young women with PCOS, high insulin levels can cause the ovaries to make more androgen hormones such as testosterone. This can cause increased body hair, acne, and irregular or few periods. Having insulin resistance can increase your risk of developing diabetes. Metformin helps to regulate the amount of glucose (sugar) in your blood. It makes your body more sensitive to insulin, and decreases the amount of glucose your liver releases. Research studies have shown that young women with PCOS who are overweight and who were treated with Metformin and a healthy lifestyle (healthy nutrition and exercise) were able to lose weight and lower their fasting blood sugar. Metformin is not approved by the FDA (Federal Drug Administration) for PCOS, but it’s commonly prescribed for this condition.

A glimpse of hope!

Most women dread the first sign of a menstrual cycle while in my head I hope and pray that a little cramp or change in appetite could be just that! A few days ago I began to have extreme chocolate cravings, which is unusual for me because I am not big on sweets. I woke up this morning and BAM, I was BLESSED (yes I said blessed) with “Aunt Flo” herself! Some of you are probably thinking I am crazy for being excited about her arrival, but this is GREAT progress for us! 4 weeks ago when I first started metformin, I was told “I will see you in 8 weeks unless you get your period”… we were all thinking that I wouldn’t return to NRM for 8 weeks. 4 weeks on MET and I had a “NATURAL” period! By natural of course I mean it wasn’t induced by a medicine aimed for just that. Me getting my period means metformin is doing what the doctor had hoped for and it is benefitting my body. Today, although blustery and cold… the sun is shining and there is warmth in my heart. Today, we see HOPE!

Met-paininmyass

So last week on one 750mg of metformin I had minimal side effects. This week I doubled that dose per my doctor and have woken up each morning feeling hung over... Only I wasn't left with memories from a crazy night before. Seems like around 3pm my stomach starts feeling better and the tiredness wears off. Its been a long few days. Lets hope that they only last up to a week like Dr. C says! Yesterday I laid on my couch most of the day. I realized I was having a 'downer' day so I allowed myself to wallow a bit but then I kicked myself and said no more! Although the side effects continued into today and I struggled to keep my eyes open, it was a new and fresh day. Continuing to pray for a little miracle.

Maybe metformin will kick start my ovaries?

Made the drive to Colchester yet again for another ultrasound. We have become quite chummy with the front desk girl, Sam. The plus side to our visits is we get to see the NRM staff, who are GREAT. There was a couple in there today that was also there when we went 2 days ago. It was a good reminder that we are not alone in this process and that there are many people who are struggling with getting pregnant. SO we go in, have the ultrasound done... as the nurse says "you know the drill!" Yes, we do know the damn drill. BLAH! Ovaries still not cooperating so its now time to move into the next phase of treatment. I start metformin on Monday. For those that are curious as to why they would consider treating me with a medicine that typically treats type II diabetes, check out its connection to PCOS here: http://www.webmd.com/women/metformin-glucophage-for-polycystic-ovary-syndrome I will start out with one pill a day for 2 weeks and then double my dose for the remaining 6 weeks (8week cycle total). She warned me about the negative GI affects... excessive gas and diahrea? story of my life! LOL There are a few side affects I hope to avoid, but time will tell. The pro's out weigh the cons anyways! More meds in my body, but this one proves to be more of a positive one. At the end of the 8 weeks I will start with a high dose of letrozole and injectable combination. I said to Jay, "I might have to have Meesha come stick me before work each morning, because the thought of it makes my stomach turn!" Then we went on to say that our neighbor Bucko would probably get great pleasure out of jamming a needle into his 'sister!' HAHA Gotta find the humor when we can. So here we go, trying something new. Gives us new hope. Please pray for good results!

Sick of being stuck and probed!

Another ultrasound today; we left with disappointment and I couldn’t control the tears. The 7.5mg of letrozole showed no progress. Dr. C was unavailable to see me after so another doctor came in and described the possible next steps. Injectables, metformin or a combination of both. They are testing my blood glucose levels which will help them determine which route is best and I am scheduled for yet another ultrasound on Friday. Needless to say, I am so sick of being probed and stuck with a needle! We are running out of options with ovarian stimulation and its making me anxious! I am trying to maintain a positive attitude. Women with PCOS have a higher risk of getting uterine cancer and diabetes. What I find interesting is that my paternal grandmother had both of those and PCOS is genetic. I am sure back then, PCOS wasn’t even a diagnosis. Mom is helping me look into grams medical background but its already proving to be a challenge. I wish she were here to ask…………..

Rollercoaster of Emotions

Dr. C starts me on a round of Provera to put me into a cycle, followed by 2.5mg of Letrozole (fertility drug generally used in treatment with women who have breast cancer) and I was to test for ovulation. He told me that the success rate for letrozole compared to Clomid was 40% better and that Clomid makes women go cray cray. I didn’t need anymore cray cray! Nothing happened on the 2.5mg dose so he automatically bumped me up to 5mg without the use of Provera (which can actually lower chances of pregnancy). I got a positive ovulation test on 5mg and we were jumping for joy. When we told Dr. C and he said we will verify with an ultrasound because women with PCOS often get false positives due to higher then normal follicle counts. The thought of a false positive totally sucked but at the same time it was music to my ears because when Dr. Blah at CVH was treating me she made no mention of false positives and chalked it up to a faulty test! Another probe to see the results from 5mg of letrozole. Inside I was gleaming with high hopes… Up it goes. Where the hell is the ovary? Push up here really hard he said, as he was basically on my ribcage. I said my ovaries are up that high? He said your ovaries could be hiding anywhere! So I push really hard and what do ya know, she shows her beautiful yet ugly ‘face.’ Looked like a bunch of black holes to me. Dr. C confirmed that they were just that, black holes. Cysts. There was one premature follicle that wasn’t even half the size it needed to be in order to mature and release an egg. I was disappointed. I was sad but still maintaining a friendly smile. Not to worry Dr. C says, we are going to take more blood and start you on 7.5mg of letrozole which is the highest dosage they will use. I spent 2 days crying on and off thinking of worst case scenarios and wishing I didn’t have this body. Eventually and with support from my husband, I was able to pull myself together. I took my last clump of 3 pills this past Sunday. I go Wednesday to have yet another probe shoved in me and I pray that there are matured follicles hanging out in the polycystic ovaries of mine!

Sonohyster-whatchamacallit?

First step in making sure nothing more than PCOS is happening was to have a sonohysterogram (lets call it sono for short). It’s a very…hmm… strange procedure and feels WEIRD, to say the least. He blew a balloon up in my uterus and released a saline solution to see how it traveled through my fallopian tubes. In his words I had a “beautiful uterus” and “those babies (falops) are clear to tmrw!” Jay and I got a good laugh out of his exaggeration. Then we moved on to the internal ultra sound. If you don’t know what a normal ovary looks like I would suggest googling it. Then google a polycystic ovary; Let me tell you the polycystic ovary is not a pretty sight. On the ultrasound it looks like a mass with a bunch of bubbles on it, super strange. We left this appointment with such relief as it narrowed the possibilities of what could be going on.

You are not dying... you have PCOS!

The consultation continues… Dr. C asks us a series of questions about our history, personal habits and bodies. As he wrote down our answers I could tell he was solving a puzzle and each word we spoke got him that much closer to getting the pieces put together. After a 45 minute meeting he looks at me and says you have something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). What the hell is that? The short answer is a hormonal imbalance (long answer can be found here: http://womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.html). Those who know me know that I am an anxious, hypochondriac headcase and fear that I have some sort of terminal cancer at the sight of a small bruise. So you can see how I would be relieved to hear of the different symptoms women with PCOS have as I was able to knock off a million symptoms I had associated with other diseases! I can laugh now, but in the moment I really feel like something is wrong with me! I am scheduled for a boat load of blood work, sonohysterogram and internal ultra sound which will confirm his diagnosis of PCOS. We are walking out of the office and I am fighting back the tears of joy. I remember saying to Jay, is it weird that I am happy after hearing a diagnosis? He says “no, we finally have an answer and now we can work on finding a solution!” We were put in the capable hands of Dr. C for good reason.

Fed up with Dr. Popcorn Fart

After round 4, I left my OB’s office at my witts end. I was supposed to do another round of 100mg of Clomid and come back on day 30 of my cycle. This is ridiculous! NOTHING is happening! I still don’t even know what’s wrong with me! A couple of our closest friends had recommended a fertility specialist at UVM Medical Center who had left and opened his own practice called Northeastern Reproductive Medicine (NRM). On the fly, emailed them and asked if I needed a referral. To my surprise the Doctor himself had responded to me directly and asked when I wanted to come in. I called that afternoon and scheduled an appointment. Appointment day approaches and Jay & I are like 2 kids in a candy store. We arrive at the location after driving way past it at first and we were impressed with the building itself. Brand new, something you would see in a city. We pushed the command to bring us up to floor 3 and here we were… about to embark on a new journey! We were greeted with kindness the moment we walked in the door. After handing the secretary my insurance card she looked at me and said “everything we offer here is covered by your provider, you are lucky as that isn’t usually the case!” A sigh of relief to say the least! We say at a hightop looking through a huge glass wall overlooking Lake Champlain in the distance. There were other couples coming and going which made Jay and I feel that much more comfortable… I guess the saying goes “misery likes company!” “Jennifer” the nurse says. Here we go Jay! We are put into a small diamond shaped room, Jay and I were checking out the ceiling tiles and designer glass window while we awaited the shadow of the doctor to approach. He comes in, full of confidence and cheer. We knew from the moment we met him that this was meant to be…

Traveling for Sex

It was my first visit with the vagina doctor in hopes of getting to the bottom of my bottom half. She was dryer then a popcorn fart. I wasn’t there any longer than 15 minutes. Left with another prescription of Provera, Clomid and a pretty little chart to document any activity that related to my golden hole. We got a positive ovulation which we were super excited about only to go back to my OB and be told it must have been a faulty test. Here we go for round two at the same dosage, ultimately reliving round one. Third times a charm? After another short appointment we had the same instructions except we were adding another challenge as Jay was about to head off to NY for work. By the time he actually went to NY I was on 100mg of Clomid and feeling hopeful. Thank goodness my boss is an understanding female. I would go to work on Monday, make the 2 hour drive to Saranac Lake, work from the hotel Tuesday and repeat for Wednesday and Thursday! I had plenty of driving and alone time to cry out my frustrations. I also found a few moments to laugh at the fact that I was driving all this way for sex. Timed sex at that!

Infertile Mertle?

A year later I was reading a magazine and came across and article that said infertility is considered actively trying to conceive for a year with no success of achieving pregnancy. I was eager but not consumed in the fact that we had not yet gotten pregnant. A little time passed and the ‘itch’ became more… itchy! It seemed as though everyone around me was either knocked up, had just given birth or have had children for years. I felt like there was a girl club that I couldn’t gain membership to. If I had opinions, who was I to express, after all I couldn’t possible relate. And I was reminded of this from time to time. All the conversations around me went to baby! Baby this, baby that… I was over here like GIVE ME ANOTHER BEER so I can drown out the sound! At this point I was frustrated. Time to call the OBGYN.

Anyone seen Flo?

May 1, 2013 – 25 years old and exactly one month away from marrying my childhood crush. Hubby and I decided to get off the pill because we heard it can take months for it to leave your system. Over the next few months I wouldn’t get a visit from the almighty nastiness herself. I became slightly concerned about the lack of vag-highness herself, so went to my doctor and she tells me that it can take a few months to get ‘regular’ again. Gave it a couple more months and went back, this time she put me on a medicine called Provera which ultimately would trigger a menstrual cycle. And boy oh boy did it ever. I thought I was bleeding out and nearing my death (insert dramatics). Anyways, I would have one more period “naturally” and then, nothing yet again. Doctor didn’t seem too worried, so why should I be?

Innocence

I was 17 years old and going to the doctor’s.  “Why are you here today?”  Mom spoke up and told her that Aunt Flo was protesting my body!  Her first reaction?  “Wow, you are lucky!”  I didn’t feel lucky… I felt embarrassed, boyish and so badly wanted to be like all of my friends.   We began the process of getting to the bottom of my vagina problems, beginning with an ultrasound.  Not fun on a full bladder!  Pushed and poked for about 20 minutes… It was a long as 20 minutes!  I couldn’t wait let loose in the nearest toilet!  Then she performed the typical vaginal exam.  AWKWARD!  In all my years, my vagina had only seen toilet paper in it!  Diagnosis time.  “We are going to put you on birth control to see if we can regulate your cycle.”  Birth control?  “Birth control can be used for many different things, and the bonus is that you will be prepared for safe sex.”  What the hell?  I wasn’t about to engage in some crazy fun youthful sex!  Sex?  How could I have sex with a boy when the mere thought of it gave me insta-shits?!  Was I a lesbian?  Would I be alone for the rest of my life?  I am not normal.  Well, my period came.  Every month.  Now I understand why she said I was “lucky!”