Met-paininmyass

So last week on one 750mg of metformin I had minimal side effects. This week I doubled that dose per my doctor and have woken up each morning feeling hung over... Only I wasn't left with memories from a crazy night before. Seems like around 3pm my stomach starts feeling better and the tiredness wears off. Its been a long few days. Lets hope that they only last up to a week like Dr. C says! Yesterday I laid on my couch most of the day. I realized I was having a 'downer' day so I allowed myself to wallow a bit but then I kicked myself and said no more! Although the side effects continued into today and I struggled to keep my eyes open, it was a new and fresh day. Continuing to pray for a little miracle.

Maybe metformin will kick start my ovaries?

Made the drive to Colchester yet again for another ultrasound. We have become quite chummy with the front desk girl, Sam. The plus side to our visits is we get to see the NRM staff, who are GREAT. There was a couple in there today that was also there when we went 2 days ago. It was a good reminder that we are not alone in this process and that there are many people who are struggling with getting pregnant. SO we go in, have the ultrasound done... as the nurse says "you know the drill!" Yes, we do know the damn drill. BLAH! Ovaries still not cooperating so its now time to move into the next phase of treatment. I start metformin on Monday. For those that are curious as to why they would consider treating me with a medicine that typically treats type II diabetes, check out its connection to PCOS here: http://www.webmd.com/women/metformin-glucophage-for-polycystic-ovary-syndrome I will start out with one pill a day for 2 weeks and then double my dose for the remaining 6 weeks (8week cycle total). She warned me about the negative GI affects... excessive gas and diahrea? story of my life! LOL There are a few side affects I hope to avoid, but time will tell. The pro's out weigh the cons anyways! More meds in my body, but this one proves to be more of a positive one. At the end of the 8 weeks I will start with a high dose of letrozole and injectable combination. I said to Jay, "I might have to have Meesha come stick me before work each morning, because the thought of it makes my stomach turn!" Then we went on to say that our neighbor Bucko would probably get great pleasure out of jamming a needle into his 'sister!' HAHA Gotta find the humor when we can. So here we go, trying something new. Gives us new hope. Please pray for good results!

Sick of being stuck and probed!

Another ultrasound today; we left with disappointment and I couldn’t control the tears. The 7.5mg of letrozole showed no progress. Dr. C was unavailable to see me after so another doctor came in and described the possible next steps. Injectables, metformin or a combination of both. They are testing my blood glucose levels which will help them determine which route is best and I am scheduled for yet another ultrasound on Friday. Needless to say, I am so sick of being probed and stuck with a needle! We are running out of options with ovarian stimulation and its making me anxious! I am trying to maintain a positive attitude. Women with PCOS have a higher risk of getting uterine cancer and diabetes. What I find interesting is that my paternal grandmother had both of those and PCOS is genetic. I am sure back then, PCOS wasn’t even a diagnosis. Mom is helping me look into grams medical background but its already proving to be a challenge. I wish she were here to ask…………..

Rollercoaster of Emotions

Dr. C starts me on a round of Provera to put me into a cycle, followed by 2.5mg of Letrozole (fertility drug generally used in treatment with women who have breast cancer) and I was to test for ovulation. He told me that the success rate for letrozole compared to Clomid was 40% better and that Clomid makes women go cray cray. I didn’t need anymore cray cray! Nothing happened on the 2.5mg dose so he automatically bumped me up to 5mg without the use of Provera (which can actually lower chances of pregnancy). I got a positive ovulation test on 5mg and we were jumping for joy. When we told Dr. C and he said we will verify with an ultrasound because women with PCOS often get false positives due to higher then normal follicle counts. The thought of a false positive totally sucked but at the same time it was music to my ears because when Dr. Blah at CVH was treating me she made no mention of false positives and chalked it up to a faulty test! Another probe to see the results from 5mg of letrozole. Inside I was gleaming with high hopes… Up it goes. Where the hell is the ovary? Push up here really hard he said, as he was basically on my ribcage. I said my ovaries are up that high? He said your ovaries could be hiding anywhere! So I push really hard and what do ya know, she shows her beautiful yet ugly ‘face.’ Looked like a bunch of black holes to me. Dr. C confirmed that they were just that, black holes. Cysts. There was one premature follicle that wasn’t even half the size it needed to be in order to mature and release an egg. I was disappointed. I was sad but still maintaining a friendly smile. Not to worry Dr. C says, we are going to take more blood and start you on 7.5mg of letrozole which is the highest dosage they will use. I spent 2 days crying on and off thinking of worst case scenarios and wishing I didn’t have this body. Eventually and with support from my husband, I was able to pull myself together. I took my last clump of 3 pills this past Sunday. I go Wednesday to have yet another probe shoved in me and I pray that there are matured follicles hanging out in the polycystic ovaries of mine!

Sonohyster-whatchamacallit?

First step in making sure nothing more than PCOS is happening was to have a sonohysterogram (lets call it sono for short). It’s a very…hmm… strange procedure and feels WEIRD, to say the least. He blew a balloon up in my uterus and released a saline solution to see how it traveled through my fallopian tubes. In his words I had a “beautiful uterus” and “those babies (falops) are clear to tmrw!” Jay and I got a good laugh out of his exaggeration. Then we moved on to the internal ultra sound. If you don’t know what a normal ovary looks like I would suggest googling it. Then google a polycystic ovary; Let me tell you the polycystic ovary is not a pretty sight. On the ultrasound it looks like a mass with a bunch of bubbles on it, super strange. We left this appointment with such relief as it narrowed the possibilities of what could be going on.

You are not dying... you have PCOS!

The consultation continues… Dr. C asks us a series of questions about our history, personal habits and bodies. As he wrote down our answers I could tell he was solving a puzzle and each word we spoke got him that much closer to getting the pieces put together. After a 45 minute meeting he looks at me and says you have something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). What the hell is that? The short answer is a hormonal imbalance (long answer can be found here: http://womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.html). Those who know me know that I am an anxious, hypochondriac headcase and fear that I have some sort of terminal cancer at the sight of a small bruise. So you can see how I would be relieved to hear of the different symptoms women with PCOS have as I was able to knock off a million symptoms I had associated with other diseases! I can laugh now, but in the moment I really feel like something is wrong with me! I am scheduled for a boat load of blood work, sonohysterogram and internal ultra sound which will confirm his diagnosis of PCOS. We are walking out of the office and I am fighting back the tears of joy. I remember saying to Jay, is it weird that I am happy after hearing a diagnosis? He says “no, we finally have an answer and now we can work on finding a solution!” We were put in the capable hands of Dr. C for good reason.

Fed up with Dr. Popcorn Fart

After round 4, I left my OB’s office at my witts end. I was supposed to do another round of 100mg of Clomid and come back on day 30 of my cycle. This is ridiculous! NOTHING is happening! I still don’t even know what’s wrong with me! A couple of our closest friends had recommended a fertility specialist at UVM Medical Center who had left and opened his own practice called Northeastern Reproductive Medicine (NRM). On the fly, emailed them and asked if I needed a referral. To my surprise the Doctor himself had responded to me directly and asked when I wanted to come in. I called that afternoon and scheduled an appointment. Appointment day approaches and Jay & I are like 2 kids in a candy store. We arrive at the location after driving way past it at first and we were impressed with the building itself. Brand new, something you would see in a city. We pushed the command to bring us up to floor 3 and here we were… about to embark on a new journey! We were greeted with kindness the moment we walked in the door. After handing the secretary my insurance card she looked at me and said “everything we offer here is covered by your provider, you are lucky as that isn’t usually the case!” A sigh of relief to say the least! We say at a hightop looking through a huge glass wall overlooking Lake Champlain in the distance. There were other couples coming and going which made Jay and I feel that much more comfortable… I guess the saying goes “misery likes company!” “Jennifer” the nurse says. Here we go Jay! We are put into a small diamond shaped room, Jay and I were checking out the ceiling tiles and designer glass window while we awaited the shadow of the doctor to approach. He comes in, full of confidence and cheer. We knew from the moment we met him that this was meant to be…

Traveling for Sex

It was my first visit with the vagina doctor in hopes of getting to the bottom of my bottom half. She was dryer then a popcorn fart. I wasn’t there any longer than 15 minutes. Left with another prescription of Provera, Clomid and a pretty little chart to document any activity that related to my golden hole. We got a positive ovulation which we were super excited about only to go back to my OB and be told it must have been a faulty test. Here we go for round two at the same dosage, ultimately reliving round one. Third times a charm? After another short appointment we had the same instructions except we were adding another challenge as Jay was about to head off to NY for work. By the time he actually went to NY I was on 100mg of Clomid and feeling hopeful. Thank goodness my boss is an understanding female. I would go to work on Monday, make the 2 hour drive to Saranac Lake, work from the hotel Tuesday and repeat for Wednesday and Thursday! I had plenty of driving and alone time to cry out my frustrations. I also found a few moments to laugh at the fact that I was driving all this way for sex. Timed sex at that!

Infertile Mertle?

A year later I was reading a magazine and came across and article that said infertility is considered actively trying to conceive for a year with no success of achieving pregnancy. I was eager but not consumed in the fact that we had not yet gotten pregnant. A little time passed and the ‘itch’ became more… itchy! It seemed as though everyone around me was either knocked up, had just given birth or have had children for years. I felt like there was a girl club that I couldn’t gain membership to. If I had opinions, who was I to express, after all I couldn’t possible relate. And I was reminded of this from time to time. All the conversations around me went to baby! Baby this, baby that… I was over here like GIVE ME ANOTHER BEER so I can drown out the sound! At this point I was frustrated. Time to call the OBGYN.

Anyone seen Flo?

May 1, 2013 – 25 years old and exactly one month away from marrying my childhood crush. Hubby and I decided to get off the pill because we heard it can take months for it to leave your system. Over the next few months I wouldn’t get a visit from the almighty nastiness herself. I became slightly concerned about the lack of vag-highness herself, so went to my doctor and she tells me that it can take a few months to get ‘regular’ again. Gave it a couple more months and went back, this time she put me on a medicine called Provera which ultimately would trigger a menstrual cycle. And boy oh boy did it ever. I thought I was bleeding out and nearing my death (insert dramatics). Anyways, I would have one more period “naturally” and then, nothing yet again. Doctor didn’t seem too worried, so why should I be?

Innocence

I was 17 years old and going to the doctor’s.  “Why are you here today?”  Mom spoke up and told her that Aunt Flo was protesting my body!  Her first reaction?  “Wow, you are lucky!”  I didn’t feel lucky… I felt embarrassed, boyish and so badly wanted to be like all of my friends.   We began the process of getting to the bottom of my vagina problems, beginning with an ultrasound.  Not fun on a full bladder!  Pushed and poked for about 20 minutes… It was a long as 20 minutes!  I couldn’t wait let loose in the nearest toilet!  Then she performed the typical vaginal exam.  AWKWARD!  In all my years, my vagina had only seen toilet paper in it!  Diagnosis time.  “We are going to put you on birth control to see if we can regulate your cycle.”  Birth control?  “Birth control can be used for many different things, and the bonus is that you will be prepared for safe sex.”  What the hell?  I wasn’t about to engage in some crazy fun youthful sex!  Sex?  How could I have sex with a boy when the mere thought of it gave me insta-shits?!  Was I a lesbian?  Would I be alone for the rest of my life?  I am not normal.  Well, my period came.  Every month.  Now I understand why she said I was “lucky!”